The Green-Eyed Monster: Are You Friends Really
Happy For Your Success?
By Sheena Metal
Ideally, it should always be the way you’ve imagined
it in your daydreams. You get the phone call you’ve
been waiting for: the big live review, the hot music management
company wants you to sign with them, the A&R rep from
that major label is coming to your next showcase, or you were
picked as one of the best unsigned musicians in the area.
Your first thought is to share your good news with your best
friends, your comrades, your fellow struggling musicians.
After all, your group of great friends has been chasing the
musical brass ring together since high school: the ups and
downs, the successes and failures, the hits and flops. Certainly,
when you tell them of your latest big break, they’ll
stand up and cheer, slap you on the back, raise their glasses
in toast, buy you drinks until closing time. You are happier
than you’ve ever been. You are going to be a rockstar
with your awesome group of best friends by your side.
But what if your band of brothers or sisters, isn’t
quite as happy for you as you’d expected when your share
your big news with them? What if there’s more silence
than cheering, more pouting than back slapping…what
if you have to buy all of your own drinks at your celebratory
event?
The following are a few tips that may help you to determine
if your friends are more like the green-eyed monster than
they are monstrously elated over your newest career success:
1.) The Closet Seethe --- Nothing is more disappointing than
sharing exciting news with friends only to have them stare
blankly at you, wounded, as if the tidbit you just shared
had been not of your good fortune but of their impending deaths.
Silence such as this is almost always indicative of creative
jealousy. Your friends are exhibiting the classic, “If
you don’t have anything nice to say…” adage
by simply saying nothing. The big fake smile and croaking
of, “Great. I’m really happy for you” through
clenched teeth only serves to make your friends seem more
seething than when they were mute.
2.) The Third Degree --- It’s your big day, supposedly,
but some people always need to make it about them and nothing
takes the excitement out of your big announcement like getting
the third degree from your friends. When, “Wow! That’s
terrific news!” gets replaced by, “Oh yeah? How’d
you get that?” it may be time to start asking, “With
friends like these, who needs jealous enemies?” Honestly,
there are only two reasons that your friends are giving you
the Third Degree: one, they want to know how you got what
you got so they can follow the same course to get it for themselves
or two, they want to find some special reason why the good
fortune is happening to you and not them…like you slept
with the magazine editor, the label guy is your cousin, or
your blackmailed the management company into signing you on.
3.) The Alpha Dog --- Clearly, there is an aspect of the artistic
personality that craves being the center of attention. It
is often that drive for fame and adoration that’s shaped
some of history’s hugest popstars. So, don’t be
surprised if your jealous friend squashes your elation with
the announcement of his or her bigger news. If you win Best
Songwriter in the city, then he/she’s won Best Songwriter
in the country, in the world, in the galaxy, or in the universe.
This is the kind of musician that constantly needs affirmation
(from him/herself and others) that he/she is the hottest,
coolest and most talented artist around. No matter how famous
you get, you’ll always play second fiddle to the Alpha
Dog…even if it’s just in his or her mind.
4.) The Red Baron --- Don’t get used to the high of
your good fortune just yet, because the Red Baron will shoot
it down faster than you can say, “jealous loser.”
No matter what your exciting news, the Red Baron will find
a way to discredit it and reduce it to frivolity within minutes.
Sadly, he or she will also do their best to convince everyone
in your company that your great excitement is seriously lame
by citing examples of his/her own experience in the same case
(and how stupid it was) or that “friends” of his/hers
have been where you are now and nothing much really came of
it. Expect to be constantly disappointed with the Red Baron
as a friend.
5.) The Saboteur --- This is the jealous friend you need
to watch out for. He or she may be all big smiles, back slaps,
and free beer at the time of the announcement but secretly
there’s a hidden plan hatching quietly under his/her
luminous jack-o-lantern grin. Days after your spill your great
luck, you may find that it is no longer happening. Either
the source of your good fortune is now simply not interested
or has found a better candidate on which to bestow the greatness
of your former musical riches: your jealous friend, The Saboteur!
Mum’s the word around this one.
6.) The Beggar --- Probably, the most insidious of all of
the jealous friends, the Beggar will fall apart seconds after
the exciting revelation has left your lips. “Why, oh
why”, he or she will exclaim, “Is this happening
for you and not me? What have I done wrong? I’ve put
years and years into this business and nothing ever happens
for me!” There will be whining, cajoling and, of course,
lots of crying. Crocodile tears will spill down the face of
your jealous friend as he or she begs you to get him/her the
same opportunities you have. There will be threats of “getting
out of the business,” threats of never talking to you
again because “I’m too much of a loser to be friends
with a successful person like you,” threats of disappearing
forever, running away, holding his or her breath until death
ensues. By the time The Beggar is done with you, you’ll
gladly hand over your new musical prize, just to get the begging
to stop.
Unfortunately, we’ve all had friends in the music business
just like this and although you may think it will pass, that
they will grow out of it at some point, usually these personality
types are here to stay. Any of these sorts of pals will drain
you emotionally and creatively, backstab you at every turn,
and definitely not look out for your best interests. In short
these so-called “friends” are not your friends
at all. Real friends support you through good and bad, and
are genuinely happy for your good fortune even if the same
level of success never comes to them. So, if any of your buddies
fit one or more of the criteria above: get away from them,
change your phone number, don’t answer your door, wear
a hat, cross to the other side of the street when you see
them…and then please, make some real friends.
Sheena Metal is a radio host, producer, promoter, music supervisor,
consultant, columnist, journalist and musician. Her syndicated
radio program, Music Highway Radio, airs on over 700 affiliates
to more than 126 million listeners. Her musicians’ assistance
program, Music Highway, boasts over 10,000 members. She currently
promotes numerous live shows weekly in the Los Angeles Area,
where she resides. For more info: http://www.sheena-metal.com.
